Bad Neighbors

I forgot how badass I am, and what a concise writer. 

Dear Neighbor, 

Saturday night at 11:30pm I was communed around a small fire with my roommate Josh and three guests in celebration of my and my mother's birthday. My mother and 15 year old little brother had driven in from Elkhorn for the occasion. As we talked around the fire someone from the area of your house rudely disrupted us and asked us to be quiet. 

Now. 

Let me review the details of the scenario: 

● Only five people. 

● A Saturday night. 

● A mother and little brother celebrating two birthdays. 

● Again, on a  Saturday night. 

● At 11:30pm. Not 2am, 11:30pm. 

There are many instances where, after rudely enforcing your own selfish and presumptive judgments on our otherwise, fully respectful, wholesome, and rare gathering would have seemed more reasonable and less utterly, soul-crushingly uptight and miserly: If it were 

a week night, if it weren't a one time thing, if it were later than, say, 12:30, if were had been whoopin' an' hollerin', if there were more than a piddling 5 people. It is a sad thing to realize that we live in a society where chatting around a small campfire in the company of 4 friends to celebrate your mother's 54th birthday before midnight on a Saturday night is considered worthy of not only rude reprimand, but police involvement. Please, keep your miserable, uptight, joy-crushing intolerance to yourself.  Here are some comfortable and effective earplugs for the next time you feel so terribly disturbed on a Saturday night at 11:30pm. By all means, feel free to contact us if we are ever so terribly 

disturbing at 11:30pm on a weeknight, or after, say 1am on a weekend night. My cell number is 313-478-1971. 

Regards, 

P.S.  If this letter was delivered by mistake and you don’t know what I’m talking about, 

please accept my sincere apologies.  Hopefully, as an non-participant, you would find this 

account of such a pathetically asinine, laughable situation to be amusing.