Bad Neighbors

I forgot how badass I am, and what a concise writer. 

Dear Neighbor, 

Saturday night at 11:30pm I was communed around a small fire with my roommate Josh and three guests in celebration of my and my mother's birthday. My mother and 15 year old little brother had driven in from Elkhorn for the occasion. As we talked around the fire someone from the area of your house rudely disrupted us and asked us to be quiet. 

Now. 

Let me review the details of the scenario: 

● Only five people. 

● A Saturday night. 

● A mother and little brother celebrating two birthdays. 

● Again, on a  Saturday night. 

● At 11:30pm. Not 2am, 11:30pm. 

There are many instances where, after rudely enforcing your own selfish and presumptive judgments on our otherwise, fully respectful, wholesome, and rare gathering would have seemed more reasonable and less utterly, soul-crushingly uptight and miserly: If it were 

a week night, if it weren't a one time thing, if it were later than, say, 12:30, if were had been whoopin' an' hollerin', if there were more than a piddling 5 people. It is a sad thing to realize that we live in a society where chatting around a small campfire in the company of 4 friends to celebrate your mother's 54th birthday before midnight on a Saturday night is considered worthy of not only rude reprimand, but police involvement. Please, keep your miserable, uptight, joy-crushing intolerance to yourself.  Here are some comfortable and effective earplugs for the next time you feel so terribly disturbed on a Saturday night at 11:30pm. By all means, feel free to contact us if we are ever so terribly 

disturbing at 11:30pm on a weeknight, or after, say 1am on a weekend night. My cell number is 313-478-1971. 

Regards, 

P.S.  If this letter was delivered by mistake and you don’t know what I’m talking about, 

please accept my sincere apologies.  Hopefully, as an non-participant, you would find this 

account of such a pathetically asinine, laughable situation to be amusing.

Punctuation is dead

I got the below message in response to an ad I posted on craigslist I guess punctuation is dead I thought maybe there was something wrong with his computer that didnt allow punctuation but then there is one period in there which negates that possibility. Our education system has gone to shit

"Hi it's erick again thank you for your response I was just emailing back because as I was about to write your number and your fathers number down my email went crazy and erases my messages. So if I could please get your numbers again that would be great thank you very much for you print response and for your time have a great day"

Today I googled "What is true love?". 

The symptoms of internet addiction and heart break in one simple act.  

Am I too old for this?

Went to some metal (or something) show at a house on my block last night. I felt very, very old, though I doubt I was the oldest there. There was much debate over the existence of aliens, or, to be more accurate, how their form is manifested here on earth- all parties involved expressed little doubt as to whether or not their really were, in fact, aliens. There was a young gentleman there who spent the evening walking around wearing various configurations of a single shoelace. He had it wrapped around his face and under arms. Then it was on his leg. At one point, it was wrapped around a lock of hair at the top of his head for an impromptu "fountain" pony tail. I discussed my desire to bring back tube socks with Courtney while we were standing on the stairway to the bathroom. It was the only place we could find room. We were also the only ones wearing color, or, more specifically, not wearing all black. We never listened to the band. All we could hear was the bass reverberating from the basement. Neil reported that they sucked. Instead, we had fun just listening to the chatter of various conversations, and occasionally debating aliens with strangers. Courtney made some strong arguments that what one young man described as an alien encounter, was quite likely, actually a lucid dream (something that Courtney experiences quite frequently). After the party, it was Thanksgiving leftovers, for which I am thankful, and bed, for which I am thankful, and cuddling, for which I am thankful. 

Wah.

The crippling self doubt is getting old. 

Personality test:

Does the image of a half-dissolved Peep® being scorched and slowly consumed by a hot latte make you happy or sad?

I ask ye this

What happened to Whoopi Goldberg's eyebrows?